I had a problem with my dad. For 20 years. In that time, I’ve gone in and out of periods of frustration. In the last couple years my frustration with our relationship grew intense. I didn’t feel my dad would let me in. He’d praise me. He admired me. I knew that he loved me. But as I got older, I realized there was an area we couldn’t go in our relationship. I couldn’t nestle into Dad, there wasn’t an easy flow of spirit and heart between us. I think and feel deeply. I desire to connect on a deep level with my father. To be known in my fears, hopes, failures, and feelings. And to be accepted regardless. To feel his arm around me and to hear his, “It’s okay”. When I told him I needed this, he wanted to be that for me. But something kept him from being able to do it. To be free with me. In fact, he seemed to panic. He seemed to avoid the whole issue. I couldn’t understand.

So there was tension. I wrestled with anger regularly. My mind would circle around and around trying to find a solution. Some men are the silent type. But my dad wasn’t. Yet, he couldn’t seem to be real with me — he seemed on autopilot and I couldn’t seem to get through to his heart.

I’m saying this to give you an idea of how uptight a relationship we had when we sat down with Chris. I had pretty much come to the conclusion that our relationship might never change. I didn’t have any answers left. So, let me encourage you. There is always hope. God can bring you what you need. And he can supply the answer. And while the circumstances may not be changing, He is building so much into you.

When my dad and I sat down with Chris, I didn’t know what I was going to say. But as he and Dad asked me the questions, all the things God had been showing me and building into my life during those time of stress began to surface and God enabled me to put them into words.

I’ve never seen anything like the courageous conversation. Because we separated his issue from mine, Dad was able to hear me. Because I felt heard, I was able to hear Dad. Now that we understand about adequacy and living in Christ, we can quickly deal with tensions in our relationship. I can nestle into my dad. I can share my heart and feel he hears me and cherishes me. It was a courageous thing for my dad to initiate our conversation with Chris. I am grateful for that act of courage. Through it I have a loving, growing relationship with him.

The principles of the courageous conversation have opened up the whole world for me. Life in Christ has become a living reality. There is a new positiveness in my thoughts and relationships. I can sort out my thoughts and find resolution instead of going in negative circles. I can fellowship with God, thinking about His Word and hearing Him. Scripture holds a new sense of excitement for me. God has given me power, love, and a sound mind. And I am grateful.

Thanks, Dad.
Another Grateful Daughter

Dear Mr. Hogan…

I am writing to tell you how grateful for your time with our family last week! Our family has been SOOOO blessed by having our communication rebuilt in many areas.

I hope that this will help to show you how it has blessed our family. I am really starting to get excited because if results like this can be seen after just 1 week…what will the future hold if we keep up the conversations?!?!?!?
Many if not most family conflict and issues are related to COMMUNICATION. At least for our family it is. Whether it’s no communication or communication that lacks understanding and resolution. Courageous Conversations has given me a whole new perspective on communication and relationships. Being able to talk with my parents and share my heart with them in a “safe” and controlled setting has been a lifesaver in our relationship. Them listening to me and in turn, me listening and seeing their perspective has helped totally change the outcome of many conversations we have. There’s no need for feeling misunderstood, not valued, frustrated or unheard. It has been awesome to see God reopening closed doors of communication and restoring relationships in my family! Jesus Christ alone gets all the glory, honor and praise…because without Him we can do nothing.